The Pirates who do I.T.

I press toward the mark for the prize of the high calling of God in Christ Jesus. (Philippians 3:14 KJV)

I once played a pirate in a couple children’s musicals. I was a friendly Christian pirate whose goal was to help people, not rob them. My patch would mysteriously move from eye to eye between scenes during the performance. Even a pirate needs a little fun.

Recently I was sitting at my desk, in my cubical, in my corner of the office working on a project. At some point I experienced binary bifurcation of purpose (aka the computer didn’t do what I thought it should) and so I let out an “argh.” I wasn’t wearing a patch but my colleague in the next cubical asked, “Is this talk like a pirate day?”

In truth, it was close! There is an official talk like a pirate day in September. I was a few days early. Then I started listening to others expressing their reactions to computer disobedience and discovered pirate talk from different corners of the I.T. department all day. I think every computer geek has uttered some form of pirate talk, intentionally or unintentionally, more than once in their career.

Even the casual computer user understands when there’s a wayward program, unexpected patch, or other signs of a computer’s resistant to the operator’s insistence that a particular function should be performed. I don’t want to list all the possible permutations of pirate speak here for fear of offending some sensitive analog lover who’s never ventured into the exciting waters of computer technology.

The idea came to me to make a sign for our department. Every department these days has a sign which proudly displays the name of the department and their statement of purpose to help rescue the world through their diligent and heart felt work. I think a sign like “Computer Department” or “I.T. Department” would be just too plain. It wouldn’t be expressive enough for the deep running emotions of electronic ministry. So, I figured it should read something like this:

I.T. Department
We are the pirates who do I.T.
Bring us your recalcitrant, wayward, computer and we’ll teach it what for.

We could all get eye patches and expand our pirate vocabulary to include some technical derivations beyond the demonstrative argh. Instead of “blast it all” we could say, “binary it all.” We couldn’t threaten users with “walking the plank” but with “disk disconnection.” It wouldn’t be “waterway congestion” but “Ethernet excess.” I’m sure there are plenty of particularly pointed platitudes which could be included in this theoretical thesaurus of pirate speak.

But, ours is not to develop an alternate alliterative language but to keep the forecastles and gunwales of the computer ships running properly so that the sweet message of the Gospel of Christ can smoothly sail the electronic oceans of the world. We have a goal on the horizon and no copious pirate platitudes will dissuade us from the destination. Unfurl the mizzenmast, pull up the anchors, shout out orders to one-eyed Jack, and shipshape Sam and turn her into the wind. We’ve got to get this ship in shape for the rough waters ahead. The enemy has many schemes and frustrating our intentions, even electronic ones, is one of the tools in his arsenal.

If another language helps, go for it!